Living with Borderline Personality Disorder - P1


Date Night


As I sit here waiting for the waiter to go away and trying not to catch the eye of everyone else in this restaurant. There’s only so many times I can stare looking at my watch as if I can make time go any faster whilst I wait for my date to arrive



"I begin to think about how to start the conversation"


hello


Do I start with Hi my names Precinct, I have Borderline personality Disorder and Post Traumatic Stress disorder and I’m half Chilean?


Or


Do I start with I’m Pre I’m Half Chilean?? 


Not always a simple thing really. Dating I mean, not telling people is the easy part yet I always feel like I need to tell people about my mental health. It’s not like you can miss it really, well not all the time. There are times I am quiet.Those that know me will be surprised at this but there are times I don’t say or do anything. I like to soak up the atmosphere and listen to conversations and observe (Not like a stalker). I like to write. I Write stories mainly 


"I got asked to write a blog except I don’t know how to write a blog and so I am just writing what comes into my head"


If that waiter comes near me one more time asking are you ready to order with that fake smile when really he and I both know it’s more than likely I’ve been stood up. I swear I will. Probably best not to comment further as this could be used in evidence against me But if he fell, well I won’t be rushing to help him up.


sign


I’m going off at a tangent I tend to do that. It can be annoying for others as I go from one conversation to another then back to a conversation I started three hours ago that everyone else had forgotten or got bored with who knows. Who cares to be honest? I need to get back on point really. I was asked to write this not a blog, Blog. I am meant to write something about mental health and to be honest as this is my first one I don’t really think I can go into too much detail not just yet. 


We’ve only just met. Well not met as you are reading this and I am not there in person. At least I don’t think I am. Unless I’m in your head or even behind you. I am behind you. Just kidding! I’m next to you. (Yes I know I’m not funny). I’m going all over the place as it is hard for me to talk about my mental health. 


"You see my mental health was caused by trauma when I was a child" 


child photo


It’s shaped who I am and it has an effect on my life. I am weird and no that is not my choice of words but it’s how others describe me. Weird! It’s not nice but I think others don’t know how to describe me. Because how would you describe me. I’m weird. I don’t think like everyone else does but then who thinks normal. To be honest some people describe me as a character.


I always love how partners or friends of people I know first meet me and I say my name and I can see in their eyes the realisation that I’m that Pre. You can see the look in their eyes as they slowly remember something their partner told them about me coming into their mind and the slow thought process of “Don’t make it obvious but aren’t you that weirdo jenny always goes on about.

 

Just for the record I don’t know any jenny. It was the first name that popped into my head. I get used to it because I know I am not like everyone else and to be honest that’s not a bad thing for me. There are parts of me I really like. I just wish I would remember that more. The negatives always seem to outweigh the positives. I think because people recognise the negatives more.


Oh god the waiters coming back quick look at the menu. Oh no he’s walking past. Bored of me now? 


Thank god. Surprised your still reading this. Are you not bored?


final thoughts


Click the link for part 2